2024: Hoping for a Transformative Year

The end of 2023 was more stressful than I had anticipated. I expected to spend the end of the year in our home celebrating a magical Christmas. We still had a magical Christmas, however, we were at my parents.

Before I go on I want to make it clear two statements can be true!

We were still able to enjoy Christmas and I’m grateful for a familiar place to stay, but it’s not the same as being home. Last year was my absolute favorite Christmas so far that I’ve been alive. I got to experience so much Christmas magic, joy, love, and more. Santa brought bikes this year and the weather was perfect to go outside and ride them on Christmas day so overall it was a major success.

Moving in with your parents is tough as an adult, but bringing along four kids makes things a bit more challenging. I miss my time alone. It’s crazy that I just typed that because I am an extrovert in the truest sense of an extrovert. I love just sitting in the same room as someone, even if we’re both working on our things, but having been just me and the kids for the past few years I’ve learned to love and appreciate the time I have to myself…because it’s not much!

My parents have been great, they’ve allowed us to take over many areas of their home that I know they like clean and organized, they’ve helped with laundry, dinners, and dishes (well my mom ha-ha), they’ve babysat the kids when I have to go meet with insurance, need a minute from all the stress with a friend, or have to take one of the kids somewhere and allow me not to bring the entire crew. It’s been awesome to see my kids get extra time with their grandparents and create memories I know they’ll cherish forever from the times we got to live with grandma and grandpa.

Between my surgeries, moving, and now a kitchen fire restoration I’d like to be able to move back home and remain home for the long haul. I appreciate all the support from my parents but I’m sure they need a break and hope we stay in our home for the long haul too. We moved closer so we could visit more frequently…not move in more frequently.

So back to the end of 2023. It has been a whirlwind of events…one after another. It started with the kitchen fire. The plan for the weekend before Thanksgiving was to just stay home with the 5 of us and do nothing because it was just a busy fall with soccer, fall festivities, Halloween, weddings, etc. So again, plan to stay home all weekend and do nothing. My parents laughed and were like we’ll see if she makes it because as I said above… an extrovert..but also a single mom with 4 kids 5 and younger - any help is appreciated. To be completely honest I was a little offended at the comment. I was thinking “Of course I can make it an entire weekend at home with my kids - what the hell mom and dad”...JOKES ON ME.

I love to cook so I decided to make some homemade french fries and a sheet pan of veggies and chicken sausage. The fire did not occur during the cooking. I forgot to turn off the burner and thinking I was being a good mom I covered the oil as my kids don’t sit for dinner, they tend to get up wander, and come back to the table and I didn’t want them to burn themselves. While eating the oldest sees steam and points it out. I realized I forgot to turn off the burner so I turned it off and without even thinking lifted the lid. Yup…science was never my strength - boiling oil + oxygen = flames.

Lots of people have asked what I did in the moment and honestly, I worried about my kids and got them out of the house. I have a fire extinguisher and now I own multiple fire blankets and sprays thanks to Christmas, but even given all of that I’m sure I’d do the same thing I did. I took the three older kids out onto the front porch, stepped back into the kitchen to grab my phone, and began to call 911. While calling I ran upstairs and grabbed the sleeping baby from her crib, put Jovie’s collar and leash on, and had us all cross the street while on the phone. My priority was to get the kids to safety and to remain calm enough not to scare them in an already scary situation. Looking back I’m honestly proud of how I handled things. After I got off the phone with 911 I called my parents to come because I didn’t want the kids there all night knowing it was going to be a longer process. I stayed composed until the police officer came over to let the kids sit in the heated car and ask me some questions and then waterworks ensued.

When the firefighter began to hook up the hose I truly was heartbroken and assumed our home was going to be destroyed but one of the firefighters inside let him know he didn’t have to continue because they got it out! My naive mind assumed this meant the kitchen would need to be cleaned and maybe painted…yes, I stated how naive I was. While they continued to monitor and make sure the fire was completely out I had the kids assessed in the ambulance. We got out very quickly which was great but I still wanted to have them assessed. Paramedics shared the kids looked great and healthy. The garage door thankfully stayed shut the entire time so one of the firefighters brought out my keys to the car and we opened the garage door so as not to have the smoke in the garage. My parents backed the car out and brought it over near the ambulance. We loaded up the kids and my mom took them to their house for a movie before bedtime. So we didn’t even make it the full day on Saturday before having to go to my parents.

After my mom took the kids to her house I was able to go inside. In the moment it was worse than I thought but I still was expecting to be back in by Christmas. The restoration company came to walk me through the process of what would happen next. My dad stayed thank goodness because I don’t think I caught more than a few words when we walked through. When I went back to meet with insurance and the restoration company, my dad again came with me because it was a lot to take in. I think both he and I were surprised by all the things that would be considered a total loss. I’m still shocked two months later about everything that had to be deemed a total loss.

The rest of the process has been a lot of waiting. I don’t have even a tentative timeline for when we’ll be back in our home. I can tell you I’m missing it. Again, I’m thankful we have my parents and we can stay with them but I miss our home. I miss our routine, I miss my bed, I miss the kid's rooms, and I miss not having to worry about things to a certain extent because it’s not a priority for me at this time. I will forever be grateful for my family and our village but for a while, I’d like to not have to rely on the support of others.

The other thing that’s been challenging is having so many people tell me how I need to remember that everyone’s safe or to look at this as a new starting point, a way to organize and clean up the house…I get it but I just can’t keep hearing it.

Of course, the most important thing is that we’re all safe - I would never wish for anything else as our outcome but I do wish this situation didn’t happen. The stress of all this is a lot and I’m overwhelmed by it all so I will be more on edge and cranky about it. I feel I’m not allowed to be upset by this situation because we’re safe and insurance will cover things…but damn it I’m still pissed off and sad this happened. We haven’t even been there a year and a half to be able to say I figured out some type of organization. I would prefer to slowly throw out or give away my kids' toys than just have them all be a total loss and get to start fresh in a way that will keep our home cleaner. Those toys were all from people who cared about us. Some were gifts, others were hand-me-downs, and some were welcome/transition gifts when each child joined my home. Those things are important to me and this does take a bit of that away. I understand it’s just an item but there’s still a lot to sort through in my head.

Anyways…

It’s time to forge ahead; hopefully, we’ll be back home soon, but there is no tentative timeline. Once things start moving and I get to make some decisions about my home I’m sure I’ll be more positive but for now, it’s just a lull of ‘meh’ feelings regarding that. Some positive feelings are for sure in the air though! 2024 should be some changes towards permanency for the kids! They might be small changes…but they’re changes.

Court for Cookie Monster took place last week with a goal change. His goal is now ‘substitute care pending TPR’. This is a step in the direction I think keeps him safest at this time. Court in February plans for this change in regards to Mister Man & Peanut’s case but we do live in IL and our system doesn’t always work out how we think it will.

Substitute Care Pending TPR

What does that mean? Well TPR is the termination of parental rights, so at this time, the court is planning a trial to terminate parental rights. Substitute care is full-time care of a child in an out-of-home setting to provide food, shelter, security, safety, guidance, and, if necessary, treatment to children who are without the care and supervision of their parents or guardians.

This goal change acknowledges that at this time reunification is not currently the most attainable goal and is not the most supportive for the child however this goal is not a definitive move toward permanency. Biological parents still have rights, a service plan, and visitation. They can still come back and continue to work hard and parent their child again.

Adjudication should be happening sometime this spring for the little lady who joined our home this summer. This will allow for her case plan to begin a timeline to gauge if/when services are being completed and how that impacts her time in care. For the other three adjudications took over two years before it occurred so if it can occur before she turns one I would be thrilled for her.

Those are the updates related to DCFS and court. The kids have other updates though and I’m happy to share those!

Cookie Monster

He has now lost two teeth and was thrilled for the tooth fairy to visit! Winter break was necessary for him even though it consisted of strep and the flu. Santa brought him a Spiderman bike that he can ride very well up and down the street. Having his cousins stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s house too was a treat because it meant a sleepover every night! They all seemed to enjoy one another's company so as hectic as 8 kids, 5 adults, and a dog staying in a house for over a week, it worked out well for bonding moments. Back to school this week has been better than his six weeks before break so I’m hopeful his educational team, myself, and he can work together to make school a positive and successful experience for him. He was thrilled to go back to gymnastics last week and see Coach Bryan and his friends. We have a playdate with one of those friends on the calendar, which is very exciting. He and I have also talked about him joining flag football starting in February and now he reminds me every day to make sure I sign him up. It’s hard to believe he’ll be six in just two months but time doesn’t stop for anyone so he continues to grow and learn!

Mister Man

The what seems like forever-awaited surgery is scheduled for next week! He will finally get his tonsils out and his epiglottis stitched back so his airway is less restricted and can hopefully allow for REM sleep. Of course, he had to get one more round of strep before surgery so that wasn’t fun, but hopefully, he gets a nice break from strep…not guaranteed though (IYKYK ha-ha). His attitude and threenager behavior are at an all-time high but so is his silliness. He is always making the girls laugh. He was so excited to go to Peanuts dance class that he tried it out and is now in class with her! He loves it. He’s enjoying gymnastics each week as well and is forever trying his moves at home. Blaze and the Monster Machine continues to be the go-to request for him. Cheese is still his favorite food, but he’s slowly venturing out to try more foods each meal. Every night he requests to ‘be covered up’ and then proceeds to kick off all blankets and stuffed animals during the night which then leads to him being up frequently but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that after this surgery he’ll be a new sleeper!

Peanut

Girlfriend is absolutely hysterical in her rendition of Jingle Bells, along with any nursery rhyme you can imagine. She belts it out in a sort of scream song that you can’t help but chuckle at. Most of her day is spent in song, but she has grown to some 4 word sentences! She’s engaged and intentional with her play. Her biggest requests right now are ‘snuggle me’, iPad, and Vamparina. On wash days she picks out her style and then after she’s all done she gets a chance to do my hair. She’s a great mommy to her baby dolls and continues to keep them loved and healthy. Her shoe game is on point as she puts her shoes on and off, and on and off, and on and off for hours if I’d let her. Someone she managed to remain healthy the past 3 and half weeks while the rest of us caught something. Hoping that her immune system sticks as she gets ready to start preschool in the fall.

Little Lady (Baby Flor)

The little lady gave me quite the scare the week before Christmas. She ended up admitted to the hospital twice that week for two nights, and three days both times. As worried as I was I knew she was in the best care and where she needed to be. My cousin helped me know what to advocate for her to ensure she was cared for by asking the right questions. I soaked up all the snuggles with her and felt she needed some one-on-one time, maybe next time we can just have a day at home together. Since we’ve been home she’s been truly doing great! She’s eating lots and started purees. She is crushing the puree game and seems to like each food she tries after a few initial bites. She met her cousin whose 6 weeks younger which was adorable for all. Little lady has been rolling from belly to back anytime we try tummy time. She’s grabbing her feet more, chatting, and sleeping pretty well through the majority of the night. Parents are taking her next week to get her ears pierced so I’m curious how that will go now that she’s teething and more aware of her hands and ears.

Jovie

I never give updates about Jovie but she’s been the most amazing dog through all of these transitions. She’s overwhelmed and continues to be herself and bark and literally any and everything but she’s still the snuggliest dog. The kids have started to enjoy playing tug-o-war with her so that’s been fun for all. Jovie gets a little confused when they switch from tug-o-war to fetch randomly but she’s a trooper and tries her best. Overall I just want to acknowledge if I had any other dog I don’t think they’d be with our family still. Jovie is one of a kind and I’m forever grateful she’s our family dog!

I’ve been doing okay overall. The mix of emotions and stress comes in waves. I’m reminding myself to be grateful but then also trying to feel my feelings as needed. I have so many ideas of how to organize the house when we’re back but it's all just in my head so that creates the typical spiral I go through… Luckily this is a pretty chill thing to spiral about. Grad school started up again this week and it’s a 16-week course. Once done with this course I’m halfway done with this second masters program so I’m just chugging along as best I can.

Work is not my favorite right now. I feel crappy at my job and that sucks! I strive to be my best educator self and know that this hasn’t been what I’ve shown recently. I have so many clarifying questions regarding my position still and it feels like forever the go-around. I love the students I work with at all of my locations, but if I was going to be seeing students nonstop all week, I would’ve stayed in the classroom. I was worried this role was going to be a check mark on the list of things our organization can say they have and I feel that’s what it’s becoming. I’ll obviously continue to give what effort I’m able to make this the best spring I can but I have to also be realistic about what my work-life balance needs to be and how I can feel like my best educator self while at work. Education is its own beast right now but I’m not ready to leave the field. Hoping this next master's can lead me to some new opportunities that allow me to find the joy I had for so many years as a teacher.

As always, thanks to everyone for your support in our lives! It’s been a crazy few months. I am hopeful we’ll have some chill in the next few months - but it's us so you never know. Once we’re back in our home we’d love some visitors… obviously need to show off all the new and exciting things in the home. Here’s to getting through the winter months and praying for a transformative spring for our crew!