Anyone Can Advocate

“You are a fantastic advocate for your family”.

The best compliment I’ve ever received, and the moment I knew I was on “that parent” list.

Last week continued all the chaos and more! We FINALLY were able to go back to daycare and routine and two days in we get the ‘big’ snowstorm and daycare is closed. I laugh because schools in the area were all open so I’m a bit confused why daycare closed but I’m working on not pushing the little things I can’t control. I’ve been in the process of finding a new daycare for Cookie Monster for the past few months and continue to keep him on waitlists and check-in. Mister Man and Peanut are doing well at the current daycare, but this schedule is really tough and inconsistent for what I have as childcare. I’m debating trying (it will probably be hell to find) someone to watch them next year at my house. That way they have routine, structure, and comfort of home. I love having them go to daycare and feel it’s extremely beneficial for social-emotional growth.

To add to everything going one of the caseworkers sent me an email sharing if I can’t resolve the issue of transportation, then the next steps would be to change placements for Cookie Monster. So, I spent the next 5 minutes full-on UGLY crying in the bathroom before getting back to work. After work, I set up a meeting with the GAL and followed up with an email to document all my efforts and express why that 100% is not in the best interest of Cookie Monster. As of now, Cookie Monster is remaining in our home, but this was a major eye-opener on how quickly things can change in foster care.

It’s funny, not funny, but note-worthy how many people told me “Oh they won’t move him” or “Take a deep breath, it’ll be okay”. Not to say it’s not okay at the moment, but no one knew that for certain and things could still change as nothing has been resolved yet. It was and still is a very emotional topic to work through. I told my family in a text and shared I wasn’t ready to chat about it – I’m thankful they all expressed how sad they were to hear but gave me my space to figure out my emotions, and my next course of action to be support Cookie Monster. I’m still problem solving and working things out with the team, but that’s the point of this space. To share what I can, be open and honest so others can have a glimpse into our lives, learn about foster care (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and just hope people see how things are so different than presented at a quick glance.

Strength as an Advocate

Advocate: a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy.

I very publicly support my kids! I want to say I’m an advocate for foster care, which I am...but the reason for every parent to advocate is their child!

Being an advocate can look so different depending on what hat you wear. As a teacher – I’m a pretty damn good advocate for my students. I work with my team but vocalize what I believe is in that child’s best interest. I take my worries home with me, as every teacher does, but I also have learned a bit more about work-life balance (even if it’s not great) so that I can learn and grow but pause as needed. When talking about foster care (as a whole); I’m passionate, willing to read, listen, learn, and so much more but can also pause at times (if that makes sense for what I’m about to write next). When it comes to my kids, mama bear comes out and is ready to be respectfully annoying, aggressive, factual, and persistent I will follow up with whomever and however often to ensure we’re taking all our proper steps.

I’ve made more phone calls this (February) month, that’s not even halfway done than some parents must make within a year. That is in no way shared to put other parents down…the system means there are many more hoops to jump through (IYKYK) so I’m just acknowledging that I am willing and very much do jump through every hoop. Some of these next steps can be discussed and then followed up in a few months at the next team meeting, however, I don’t believe waiting is most beneficial for the child in care. I will call and call and call to make sure my kids are on the waitlist, schedule for XYZ appointments, and that most of my questions are being answered. Now, this is where I can tell my anxiety and exhaustion stem from. There’s never a day where there’s not a next thing added, or another hoop now emailed or texted to figure out.

It’s no wonder that most foster parents only make it a year before stopping – the system is easily set up to support burnout in everyone that plays a role. That’s where strength comes in, especially that mama bear strength. I may be tired at the end of the night, and as I shared in my last post, I’m getting better at prioritizing what needs to be done before bed, but whatever email, texts, or phone calls that needed to happen that day…they’re always crossed off. This is just to say, I’m proud of the way I advocate for my kids! Lots of my blog posts consist of struggles and areas we may need support but as an advocate – I feel like I’m doing well. I’m not perfect – as shared above I’m still working on some things as a team for Cookie Monster, but I know that fight is in me!

Childhood Disrupted

by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

This is my February book for learning. Sadly, I haven’t started it yet, but I’m sharing it so that if you want to read and discuss I have a friend with me! If not no worries and hopefully by my next post, I’ll be a few chapters in…if not done!

Here’s the synopsis:

We all have painful memories from our childhood. Whether it was being in the middle of a divorce, losing a pet or even losing your parents, these experiences can stay with you for life.

Some adversity is good for children, but too much can be problematic. Children who have experienced a lot of stress are more likely to suffer from physical and emotional problems later in life.

Stress is a normal part of life, but it can be dangerous if we don’t know how to handle it. Learning about stress and how to deal with it will help us overcome the effects of stress in our lives.

In this passage, you’ll learn about the body’s reaction to stress; why forgiveness is so important and how it can help with your brain’s ability to deal with stress.

Speak Up for Yourself

by Bryan Smith

This book was added to our library this month at home! It’s a great read-aloud and encourages everyone to speak up for themselves in a safe and respectful way. This is a conversation that I never thought about having with my kids until now. We often talk about being safe, using our words, being respectful, keeping our bodies and voices calm, etc. But it’s also so important for my kids to know that their words, opinions, and feelings matter. That they have the right to share how they’re feeling and what they want the outcome of a situation to be.

Now the ages of my kids right now aren’t when this lesson is going to be taught – they have lots of other pieces to learn first, but that doesn’t mean they’re too young to hear about it. They often hear me on the phone or have to play while someone comes over and we have conversations. Today one of the caseworkers came over; she sat at the table across from me and both Cookie Monster and Mister Man sat with us for a good amount of time. They did have a snack, but we both asked and answered questions and advocated for the kids and this process. Having my kids be part of these processes means I also need to encourage them to speak up for themselves so when they are old enough, they’re part of the conversation that is about them. If they’re not able to be part of the conversation at times and are old enough – of course, the conversation won’t take place in front of them.

How to Get Involved

I wanted to add some ways you can get involved or some people to follow on social media! Often people ask how to help, well here’s what I can think of related to advocacy.

1) If you know someone who is a foster parent or is a parent of a disabled child, just let them know you see them as an advocate. They’re not the only advocates out there, I know that, but they’re the group of people I connect with the most. Tell them they’re doing a good job or offer to help out with their other kids while they run to an appointment with whoever may need it.

2) Become a CASA: https://illinoiscasa.org/

3) Follow these pages on Instagram or Facebook.

Instagram: @advocatelikeamother

https://www.advocatelikeamother.org/links/

Instagram: @foster.parenting

https://www.facebook.com/Foster.Parent.Partner

Instagram: @life_with_lindsayv

https://linktr.ee/Life_with_lindsayv

These are just a few minor suggestions on how to learn more about advocates within the foster care and disabled community. Again, two areas I feel I've learned how to be an advocate myself.

Our Next Steps

The beginning of February wasn’t off to the start I was hoping for. It’s added some stressors here and there but overall, it’s been moving quickly. I’ve found this excitement within my classroom and am feeling super motivated at work! Home organization isn’t going exactly as I’d hoped but I’m getting rid of quite a few items we no longer need!

Our court dates are 02/24 and 02/25; for both cases. I knew one was going to be a bit bigger a date, but today I learned so is the other. That last week of February is going to be one of anxiety and stress – but I know that now. I know how to advocate for my kids, I know how to express my concerns and worries, and I know how to share how the kids are doing, so I’ll do all that I can. Any extra texts, prayers, check-ins, etc. that week would be majorly appreciated as I know that is an area I struggle with, and especially when I only have little people at home – I can’t always output what I need given the situation. I know what I’m expecting but that doesn’t mean I know the outcomes of those dates.