At Peace with ALL the Feelings

TOMORROW!

Wow, that is so weird to admit. Tomorrow is the day that I will accept my first foster placement. He should be here around 10 AM. It feels real, but also like it could be taken away before it even happens.

I thought I would be able to put into words all the emotions I'm currently having, however that's not the case. It's truly a mix of emotions. I am excited to be a mom, in every sense of the word. I am saddened that this adorable (yes, I've seen his picture) boy has to go through this process. I am worried about his future - what's in store for us. I am nervous about other people's judgements about this situation. I am gracious that I feel the support of family and friends to take this journey.

I'm writing here to share my journey, and right now that journey feels at a high. I know that will not always be the case. There will be lows and it will be tough, but I want to celebrate that things are working out nicely at this moment. I'm able to go to all the weddings, I am able to accept this placement to be given some love, and I'm able to work from home and do not have to take away from my students. We all have hard times, and I strive to be open about those with my family and friends - but I don't always celebrate the good. Even though my emotions are that of vanilla ice cream with sprinkles melting on a 100-degree day - the vanilla shows the goodness in my life right now. There are so many other emotions but I'm happy.

As I begin this specific chapter, I have so much I want to share. I want my family and friends to understand that foster care is still parenting, but also has so many different aspects. I won't be able to share all the details. That is a MAJOR challenge for me. I love to be an open book, but in this situation, I have to be respectful of this family and the child in my home. I have to be strong enough to share what's necessary but also be okay telling my family and friends that some things are confidential. I have to look to be my own sounding board. I know I'm capable - I just have to remind myself of these things.

For tonight, I'm going to get, what I hope is, a good night's sleep, enjoy a quiet morning with the pups, and embrace this next adventure heading my way! I know that many of my posts in the future will share more, but I'm happy that tonight is short and sweet.