Goodbye 2020

It's been a few weeks since I've shared in my journey. I wanted to enjoy my winter vacation with mister man and my family. So here are my thoughts/my experience on the holidays. I'll create a 2021 post this weekend, but I'm already so delayed what's the rush?

DOC Band

Mister man has the pleasure of wearing a DOC band, which I like to call his helmet. I was worried about this because it's a lot of communication between insurance, doctors, caseworker, and being respectful and informing his parents.

Well, he has the helmet - parents and I agreed on blue/silver with Mickey. I'm glad they had an input and I've been able to share all the care instructions. He'll wear this band for up to 14 weeks, and we go back every 2 weeks for adjustments. Lots of doctor appointments - but he is making good skull growth! I'm hoping he will have less time to have to wear it but either way on Monday we go in for imaging because we're already 4 weeks in!

Christmas 2020

Mister man had a FABULOUS Christmas. He really loved pulling the wrapping paper and trying to eat it. I can see he loves my family. Christmas with my parents and sister was very relaxed but everything we needed this year. It brought a sense of comfort and joy (wink wink)...see what I did there. But honestly, it allowed me to be my most relaxed self and enjoy this first Christmas as a mom, and with mister man.

I loved getting to be a mom this Christmas!

That doesn't come without a hurt heart though. I had so many thoughts of mister man's mom and dad this holiday. He made them salt dough handprints, but that doesn't take away the hurt on all ends of not spending their first Christmas together. I understand there is a reason I have mister man...but it doesn't take away from missing a first. The holidays are especially reflective of that. I won't go into it again, I know I touched on it during Thanksgiving, but some grace and understanding were needed this holiday season.

2020 Reflection

I didn't really take the time to reflect on 2020 as a whole yet. We all know it was a weird year, but that doesn't take away my joy of reflecting on a year, and this year brought me, mister man. It had it's up and LOTS of downs, but I know I grew immensely as a human. I had lots of time for self-reflection and continued that even after quarantine.

January: Celebrated my mom's birthday with my grandma. I was able to enjoy snow and the sun (thanks Cancun)! I attempted to put myself out there and date (was 100% not ready). Made goals in regards to teaching, grad school, and health. I felt motivated.

February: I finished my first grad school class of the year and loved it! I led my last boy scouts meeting. I turned 28 (I mean it feels like 30). I had some fun times and some hard times in Nashville. I had the stomach flu (so rough) and recovered in time to attend my favorite annual fashion show! I felt confused.

March: I began to coach track (that didn't last long). I decided to stop attempting to date ('Hey beautiful goddess queen' is not a good convo starter) I attended a UD basketball game and was able to catch up with great friends. I stressed about schools closing for two weeks around spring break and began to panic prep materials. I celebrated St. Patrick's day with tea. Only took a week to start facetime and zoom plans constantly! Helped my friend adopt her dog. Took lots of walks in the rain, snow, and sun with Jovie. Learned we would be home longer than anticipated. Learned my newest niece was born. I felt anxious.

April: Lots of baking, selfies, and solo dance parties in my kitchen. Went to stay with my parents and bothered my sister to join as often as possible. More zooms! Was thrown into virtual teaching but managed to stay afloat. Began a backyard project! I felt alone.

May: Reflected on how much I missed my people. My dad was the best and helped transform my backyard into the picture in my head. Lots more cooking, baking, snap chat selfies, and solo dance parties. Teacher appreciation from my class had me all emotional, and so did my end of school year driveway good-byes. Started my teacher Instagram to spread awareness about what special education can look like. I felt emotional.

June: Inquired about foster care, decided it was the next step on my journey. Knew I needed a car that could support my family - bought a new car. Hurt my knee (again), read lots of books! Went to live with my parents for two weeks since I was useless (thank you, mom and dad). Had a friend visit for a weekend - we enjoyed my backyard. Was thrilled to see friends safely outside. Finished grad school for spring and summer 2020. I felt pain (yes physical).

July: Invested in lots of children's books for my home and my classroom. Grew closer to my neighbors. Lots more cooking, baking, and reading. Went to Ohio for a backyard bachelorette party. Met my niece for the first time. Welcomed my brother home from deployment. Had my anxiety spike to the highest I've ever been self-aware. Continued lots of research about foster parenting as I began classes. I felt excitement.

August: Enjoyed my vacation with my family. Finished foster parent classes. Prepared to begin school hybrid to be changed to fully remote. Celebrated my sister's birthday. Waited at the DMV so I could have everything in order prior to my foster parent interview. Wrote lots of lessons, parent letters, social stories, distance learning plans, and more in preparation for whatever this school year might bring. Decided to go back to therapy. I felt worried.

September: Said hello to my students in a drive-by parade. Continued to prepare a million and one lessons, supplies, and notes because we had no answers. Recorded TONS of lessons (good thing I'm not camera shy). Signed my foster parent papers! I felt stressed.

October: Received my first call about fostering (it didn't work out). I panicked about if/when I could accept a placement because of weddings. Created lots of fall sensory science activities. Got a call about mister man, was told the next hour it wasn't happening. One week later received a call about him again, he came to live with me 36 hours later. Went to two weddings and watched some wonderful people get married. Celebrated Halloween as a mom! Lots of family birthday as well. Hybrid happened for two weeks. I felt motherhood.

November: Teaching went remote again. Began my favorite grad school class. Watched one of my best friends get married. Attempted to get mister man in daycare. Lots of walks, snuggles, and joy. Tons of doctor's appointments. Learned a lot about the foster care system. Supervised my first visit for mister man. Enjoyed time with my family. Reflected on all that I'm thankful for. I felt sadness and joy.

December: Celebrated the Christmas season to the fullest. Soaked up matching PJ's with mister man and Jovie. Loved all our nights together. Enjoyed as much time that I could with the ones I love, and kept it safe. Learned to do what's best for my family (myself, mister man, and Jovie). Began to learn more about myself - said things that I needed to say, and closed doors I never thought I would. I felt strength.

Obviously, I could go more in-depth, but I noticed that as I became a mom I also became more self-aware and more determined than I ever thought I would be. I began to read and research things that are important to me. I prioritized grad school way more than in the spring. I personally think I became a stronger person and someone who is more willing to learn.