Hello 2021

I know I'm pretty much a month late, but I'm officially a person who is always late! Two or three years ago, that would have NEVER been that case...but it's true now!

Resolutions: I feel you either love them, or you hate them. I'm a lover of them! This year I decided to focus my resolutions based on my word of the year which is CONFIDENCE.

1. Finances - I want to be proud of the way I manage my finances. I want to create a budget I know I can stick to, be realistic, and be able to tell people no on occasions that don't match my budget for the month. This ties into confidence because if I'm confident in what I'm spending, saving, earning, etc. I'll learn more and be willing to share more. I won't shy away from conversations about money. I'll be okay knowing I have a lower income, but I'm still doing well, and one day hopefully thriving financially (note I won't be rich - because that's just not likely).

2. Faith life - I plan to follow a daily devotional, and if I skip a day make up for it the next day. I want to grow as a woman of faith and be confident to share that out. I want to respect that not everyone has the same beliefs and faith life I do, but not shy away from my own because of that.

Overall, I want the confidence in myself to not shy away from conflict, let go of situations/people/conversations/etc. that no longer need to take up space in my head or heart. I want to be confident to share my opinions without worrying what others might say. I want to be confident enough to have conversations where I am wrong, but willing to learn from it and not feel defeated. I want to be the best version of myself and be damn proud of it.

Relationships: The new year allows time to reflect on relationships and set intentions for relationships this year.

Mister Mans Parents: I want to work on building a better foundation for a relationship with them this year. This year will have many interactions between all of us, knowing we all love the same little guy, so I want to be mindful of that. None of us know what's happening from court date to court date so I pray that we will all be able to love mister man, and because of that love one another.

Romantic: I've been asked a few times what my plans for dating are and my response is that this past year taught me so much about myself, that I'm not done with that. I'm never against meeting someone, and I always try to keep the door open but I know the current factors: COVID, single foster mom, a teacher in a pandemic, anxious individual, super independent. None of these are bad...well COVID, let's take that one away, but they do create their own challenges. I no longer plan to look back at mistakes I've made in relationships, things I should have done or not done differently, potential guys I could have maybe tried to date, etc. I don't want to look back at who I've had feelings for, instead, I want to focus on myself and hope that the right man will come into my life and we're able to make the hecticness that is life work together.

Family: I love my family whole-heartedly, but I'll be honest 2020 created lots of barriers and anxieties with my family. Some I shared, others I held on to and it tore me up inside. This year I hope to be more supportive, open, honest, and helpful to my family. I hope to show them all the same support they show me on a regular basis. I hope to use my actions, as well as my words, to show them how important they are in my life, but I also hope to have them respect me when I may not agree or share something that isn't in line with much of our conversations.

Mister man: I pray to guide him in his life at the moment. 2021 may be a year of many changes for him, and even though he's little - they'll play big roles in his life. Hopefully, I can help him look ahead and learn many things this year, while he's in my home and care.

How does all of this tie into my foster journey?

Well this post may not have had lots to do with the foster system but it needed to be shared for me - so I can be the best mama to mister man right now! I need to have the confidence in myself to share what I need and the confidence to be his mama, while he isn't living with his mom. I need to share what I want when I'm ready but, oh boy! I'm not quite ready to share some of the frustrations of this month's journey. Soon - but first I need to reset my goals and intentions, finish out this week, and honestly express what can be some of the daily frustrations.