It's Feeling Close..but far away

I am one week away from my final walk through and licensing.

Once my licensing worker leaves next Wednesday, I am officially ready for calls.

This is very exciting but also has me trying to figure out some decisions.

Fall is now the time for weddings, which is wonderful! The tough part is that with COVID and becoming a foster parent I have to decide what's right for the child. Obviously, the child won't be coming with me to weddings due to the travel restrictions of Cook County. I have to decide if it's fair to take in a placement for a month and then leave them with family for two weekends in a row. I've been going back and forth on what the right answer is going to be and I'm not even licensed yet.

I truly need to take a step back and just live in the moment. I still have quite a bit going on between back to school and my graduate school course that I should be mindful of. I need to re-center myself and make sure my daily to-do lists are being accomplished and my regular duties as a homeowner are being accomplished. I also need to re-focus on working out again. I have been going on walks and finally attempted yoga this past weekend, but I need to find routine in it.

Overall, the past month I've felt like I've gone from 0 to 60, but I'm still having anxiety about what's right and wrong amongst the world regarding COVID. It's making it difficult for me to focus and accomplish tasks that I know I'm capable of. It's making me tired and more easily frustrated. These are not great qualities to have as I'm looking to become a foster parent of a child with trauma.

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The bizarre thing is that I'm still feeling most at ease with becoming a foster parent. I don't know if it's because there is currently a checklist of things I need to make sure are completed, or if it's just that I'm excited about something new. No matter what it is, my brain is non-stop with the anticipation of becoming a foster parent.

It's challenging to have these mixed emotions, and I believed I've shared this before but I have minimal outlets. They're growing now, which is helpful but still looking for more. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what I need to help me out at the moment, but I think that's part of everyone's' struggles currently; no one knows exactly what they need or how to ask for it.

My goals this next week are:

1. Make sure my house is walk through ready!

2. Get at least one week ahead in grad school.

3. Finish my classroom set up.

4. Complete one hour of daily physical activity.

5. Create new (or get back into) successful morning and night routines.

A calm and undisturbed mind and heart are the life and health of the body, but envy, jealousy, and wrath are like rottenness of the bones. Proverbs 14:30