Just Breathe

Back to school season is in the air. Usually I CRAVE this feeling; the excitement, routine, structure, planning, anticipation, and so much more. Summer isn't quite over, but kids are ready to see their friends, meet their teacher, and see what the new year holds. This year that isn't fully the situation. We're still back to school on Monday, but going to set up my classroom has brought more questions and uncertainty than it ever has. I know I am not the only teacher feeling this way, but that doesn't make it any easier!

Personally, I would say I fall in between Type A and Type B personalities, but I do have major Type A when it comes to getting ready for a new school year. Making sure when my staff comes in that first day we can sit down ready to meet and talk about the year helps me organize everything else. This year we have two weeks to work together as a team, while organizing the classroom and preparing for our distance learning academy. I'm having a difficult time finding where to start...and I mean anything: my to do list, classroom organization, calendars, parent notes, meet the teacher, or anything else.

So what does this have to do with me becoming a foster parent? Well having one area of my life be uncertain is one thing, but also being unsure if I will become a licensed foster parent is another. I have two of the biggest areas of my life right now with major uncertainty. That makes processing emotions difficult at the moment, as well as finding my motivation. I want to get everything ready and create the best versions of myself - but not knowing where to start is my struggle. Sharing this and being open is IMPORTANT! I strive to be someone who creates achievable goals fro myself. I don't want to look back and see myself as a failure, but I have to realize that at least I'm trying. I know that is hella cliche, but I don't care. Allowing an outlet gives me the space to then get started on those areas of uncertainty because I'm not going in circles about how to process everything.

My plate might be looking pretty full to some, but to me I'm still standing in line staring at the table deciding what the decision will be to put on it. Ideally my plate will have the correct portions in each area, but realistically that's not how I see these next few months happening. I see this as an outdoor get together where someone might dish something for me and tell me, "you have to try this" and then a kid runs by and off falls the dessert. You can always get a new plate, or you can eat what you have and figure it out as you go. I'm choosing to figure it out as I go, if I get a new plate I might miss out on something really great that's already in the works.

Click to follow Instagram page for ashton.creates.

We all work to share not only our vulnerabilities, but also our strengths at time. One strength I have is flexibility; no not athletic kind - haven't my knee injuries told you that yet? I don't mind adapting to situations of change.

WAIT! You hate change!

I might not love the idea of it when it comes to my certain aspects of life, but I can be flexible and adapt. It was a skill I mostly learned through work. Nothing at work goes as expected and that's why I love my job. Knowing that this will also be a situation like that makes me excited. It allows for growth within myself and growth with the child or children in my care. Being flexible and adapting to situations is part of life, we all know that! Knowing that this is a strength within myself, allows for me to feel confident accepting this call from God. I am also not naive to think there won't be struggles and hardship. That's also part of life, especially opening my doors to children who've experienced trauma. I just have faith in myself that I can do my best to adapt and keep the child the focus of it all.

These next few weeks will hopefully give some clarity surrounding all these uncertainties. I will continue to pray for guidance and work to keep my anxieties at surface level. If they continue to grow I will find an outlet to allow me to be my best self during this process. I will continue to grow in patience, as this process is going quickly but personally feeling like it's taking a long time. I will continue to trust the process.