Juticalpa, Honduras 2014

Today is Jose Alberto's 16th Birthday...WOW! Even though it's been 2 and a half years since I have seen him, I love that kiddo with all my heart! Can I call him kiddo still if he's a full-on teenager at this point?

Back in 2014, I shared this in my Honduras blog (which is now gone from the internet so I'm glad I saved it in a word document like a crazy person):

It’s a Swell Time December 14, 2014

So I’ve for sure slacked on my posts this month but that just means I have more to tell everyone in person! So this week again was a crazy week that was all over the place but it went well. I’m hoping this last week of school goes as planned because we have quite a bit of information that will be on the exams we need to wrap up and they know we have to work or it's homework. Well, I don’t want to sit and post about what happened each day so I’ll again list some highlights of my week!

• Compartir Navidadena 🡪 Christmas basket share with a small village

• Secret Santa with the house

• Spiritual Retreat with OAF

• Watching Elf and enjoying community breakfast

• Having 8th grade listen so well for me!!

• The kids getting excited about the talent show.

• Bringing a cookie cake to Jose Alberto for his birthday.

• Listening to music and submitting my lesson plans for the last school week of 2014!

• Community cooking

There are so many more things that I have loved this past week but that’s just a few! The last thing I’m so happy about this week is that it is currently 8:15 on a Sunday night and I will be posting this and going to bed! It’s been a fun weekend and I’ve completed a few things off my to-do list so I want to start this last week being well-rested!

Magical Moment: The kids from Hogar waking up today and just wanting snuggle sessions! Jose David and Mia especially wanted some love while singing Christmas carols!

How was that 6 years ago?

Jose Alberto and Angelica are kids that will forever be in my heart. They have influenced my journey to become a foster parent, more than I think I realized.

Because I know I can continue to love and, thankfully, continue to have a connection with Jose Alberto it opened my world to loving and physically not being with someone. It helped me know I have the strength and experience to give my heart to kiddos, knowing that they will forever have a piece of me. He is older now, so it's a different situation but it allowed me to open my mind and home to other kids.

Angelica, I still feel a connection with, however, she is always reminded of who I am. I never force her to have a relationship with me but she does still like to talk with me via video chat. She's a preview of what may happen with mister man. In an ideal world building, a relationship with his parents will be successful, and hopefully, I can continue to be part of his life. Preparing realistically - he will always have part of my heart and forever be a boy I love, but he may never know that I cared for him and love him.

Home, 2020

Last week was FRUSTRATING! I think of myself as someone who does not easily become frustrated - but that's just how I see myself. I maybe seem easily frustrated to other people, but either way last week was tough!

There were a few minor things that just got under my skin and I let them! I did have begun to do yoga at lunch with some co-workers and go on walks. I refused to have ice cream, skip a meal, or drink alcohol as ways to cope, I want to make sure that throughout this process I'm finding healthy coping strategies when I'm upset or overwhelmed. This is not a strong area for me - when I first bought my house I pretty much lived on coffee and sweets but I'm finding ways to better myself slowly so I'm proud of my walks and yoga.

I will say that I am looking forward to winter break - more than I think I can truly express. Recently my therapist and I agreed we weren't the best fit, and that was best. It has left me searching for the best way for me to process my anxiety, thoughts, concerns, etc. I very much live inside my head - even with the amount I talk and share WILD RIGHT! But it's something I've started learning about myself and therapy helps me to connect all those inside thoughts into conversations, actions, or helps me find a way to let them go.

Things are going well for us, we are growing together and have a routine. After winter break from grad school and teaching, mister man will begin daycare and I will start going back into the building to work. I know I haven't been my best teacher recently and I can't let that continue. I need to put 100% into my job during the time that is set aside for my job. I need to find the proper balance to be a successful adult and I need to be a successful adult to provide a stable and structured home for mister man. It all connects and keeps me motivated!

I also plan for our winter break to look like this:

Anyways - I finally caught up with mister mans GAL and have his next court date (it's in January 2021). We also went to his imaging appointment and he will be getting his band (I call it a helmet) on the 23rd in the afternoon. On the 22nd I have a permanency plan meeting/3 month check it. That will be a first for me, so I hope to share as much about the experience without getting into details. I feel there are so many areas of foster care I'm learning about and want to do a better job explaining. I know I can do that as an overview if I set time aside to write it out.

Hopefully next week I can take some time to share about post visitations, and what that looks like. Even for such a little one, we struggle on those days.