Most Challenging Year Yet

I always love sitting down to type everything going on...but for one reason or another, I'm just not consistent with updates. Either way, if you're reading this update - thanks for sticking with me!

So the 2021-2022 School Year, where to begin!

This year started off mentally as if we were back and COVID no longer played a role. This was entirely not true. Connecting with teams and students was already much more challenging than in the past. I'm grateful for the team I worked with because we still were able to collaborate and work through this tough year. I don't really want to rehash the negatives of this entire school year because that will just wipe me out emotionally again but I will share some reasons I felt I needed a change in my career due to this past year.

#1 Finding a balance between my personal and professional life.

This felt impossible! Being a single parent isn't easy...I mean being a parent isn't easy but as a single foster mom there are barriers I face others don't. This meant I felt I HAD to answer when DCFS called (not accurate), it meant I had to go pick up my kids when daycare called (not getting into this any more than that because if you talk to me at all, you know), it meant I had to adjust my schedule to meet the needs of myself and my kids. It meant if I needed a babysitter (thank you to all who stepped up - I'll never be able to articulate how much it truly means) I'm the one feeling vulnerable and conflicted. It meant days off and last-minute plans, more phone calls than ever to call in sick again, and providing documentation to HR about why I was out multiple days for my kiddos.

IT WAS EXHAUSTING!

#2 My performance as a teacher.

I was not my best teacher self this year. When I say this someone always says 'think about how you did XYZ'. Now I didn't fail. My students were taught to my best ability this year, but that is not my best teaching self. I look back at this year and see many areas where my students deserved better. They were not getting the teacher I know I can be. They all made great progress, again this year wasn't a fail, but I lost some of my passion and creativity in lesson planning. I couldn't muster up the energy to dress up and help make my lessons come to life.

#3 Work relationships.

I've never felt more alone at work. It's no one's fault but it makes for a tough year.

*At the end of this year we had a work trip, and I shared that this year was lonely and my co-workers on the trip were so supportive! I promise I work with amazing people, it was just a shitty year!

#4 Difficulty advocating

This year there were so many constant changes - mainly due to COVID that it became difficult to advocate for what would truly best support my students. Again, no one is at fault but makes a lot of internal conflicts.

#5 My mental health.

I feel I see more and more teachers leaving due to mental health. My therapist shared that in 2021 they had more teachers join their practice than they've ever seen.

I don't keep my anxiety or mental health a secret. This year though, I struggled to process different areas of work and would go home to my personal life feeling defeated. I couldn't shake that this year just wasn't what I wanted it to be and that I couldn't play catch up!

MOVING FORWARD!

Next year I will be the ELL teacher/coach for three of the schools in our district. I've previously worked at two and went over to the third today to meet the admin and tour the school! In December I graduated with my masters in Curriculum & Instruction with an ELL endorsement. I hope to take my bilingual certification in the future but definitely have to get back into using my second language because 'use it or lose it' and I've lost some of it!

What are some things I'll do differently this year?

#1 Schedule/Set Hours

I will be at three different schools serving different roles at each school. It's exciting but lots to keep track of. Make sure to set hours with work, DCFS, daycare, and home. Letting them know upfront my availability for the year and if I don't answer that I'll get back to whomever quickly. The kids will be at a new daycare so being open and honest that during work hours, I work. So yes - my kids come first and if they're sick I'll be there but it may take time or I may need to call in support (thanks Grandma!).

#2 Stick to my schedule.

By taking the time to create a schedule it means I need to be disciplined. My work hours are for working. If I need additional time at night, that's fine! But realizing that when my kids are awake and at home, I'm a mom first and that at work I'm still a mom first, but my role is that of an educator. I don't always need to be checking for daycare or DCFS calls. I need to be present in my role!

#3 Being myself!

I'm not naive enough to think everyone everywhere is going to like me and be my friend. I do hope to be professional and enthusiastic about this role to support students and teachers. By doing this I feel I'll naturally build great working relationships!

#4 Seeking out new resources.

This new role allows time for me to research, share out and support others in education. I want to make sure I'm doing that with integrity and learning from all I can!

#5 Find my passion again!

The biggest thing I want to find is my excitement in education again. I know it didn't fully go away because I had a super tough time packing up my classroom yesterday and today (many tears were shed). Connecting two areas of support into my new role has me so excited! Now that I'm out of my classroom (well tomorrow I move it all to my house) I hope to relax for the fourth of July and enjoy with my kids but then start some mild planning and scheduling for next year! I want to make it a successful year and be proud of what I've accomplished in this new role!

*Former student. Shared with parent permission.

This year was not what I expected, it put me through the wringer. I've never cried so much in my life! But I also knew I was not ready to leave education (even though I questioned it often). I think this is a great next step in my career and I hope this role truly serves the students and educators at all three schools!