National Foster Care Month

I had an entire post written for National Foster Care Awareness Month (NFCM) but it disappeared and I cannot find it anywhere. I feel that sums up how life has been lately.

I start to feel as if I’m finally getting ahead and then something silly sets me back. I’ve lost some motivation lately – I think that’s a combo of the end of the year for teaching, court this week, not having my anxiety meds for a week, and two kids’ birthdays! It’s been lots of good things, but I can’t get to the place I want to be. I’m hopeful that this summer will allow me some additional time to get organized and feel better equipped for the next year.

Part of the reason I can never get things done is because mentally I don’t want to start unless I know I’ll finish, and life doesn’t allow for some of my big tasks to finish in a day. I’m hoping this summer and the weekends over the next few weeks will allow me to be okay to leave something until the next day and know all the little progress is growing towards bigger progress. This is something I continue to work on, my therapist has also noted it. I have such big ideas and visions, however, I don’t like to start because I worry they won’t fully get accomplished – but if I never start then I know for a fact they will never get accomplished.

Sometimes these things are as simple as reorganizing the shed, cleaning out the garage, or hanging something on the wall. Other times it’s a bit more complex like advocating for an office space and setting it up, implementing a new strategy for the kids, or taking the time to go through files to write a supporting document. Either way, this summer is the summer I need to start to get these things done. I’ll never have the time and motivation to get something done in the way I see and I don’t know why I set up those unrealistic expectations to start a project. I do this in so many ways it sets up barriers I know I won’t overcome because of it. If I can reframe my plan to accomplish the goal then I can get something done each day and finish the goal in a time frame that works instead of continuing to postpone all my projects.

I planned to share much more about foster care awareness this month, but I feel I’m continuously trying to put a pretty bow on my posts, and in fact, life in the world of foster care is not currently pretty. It’s pretty messy if anything. This month I have been on the phone constantly about visitation for one of the kids. It continues to always be a problem and has yet to have any solution. At the beginning of the month, we had mediation to support a new plan but nothing has come from it yet. Prior to mediation, we had multiple Child & Family Team Meetings. It’s crazy to me that a government-funded system that has millions of dollars is unable to pay for sufficient transportation and supervision services to protect the children they have in care – and then when I offered to help with transportation, I was in fact told that’s not a possibility. In many calls, it gets turned around to make it seem as if I’m being the difficult one. I’m not saying I’m a super easy person to work with – but I will say everything I advocate for I do so for the child and to keep his best interest as the priority. I do not apologize for asking why things are or are not being done the way they should be done.

We had court yesterday for the oldest and we it ended in another continuance, I think this is the fourth continuation for just getting through disposition. Typically disposition happens within the first 90 to 120 days. It has been 786 days that he has been in care and we’re still working to figure out the steps from the first few months. Sadly, this case is the norm for IL. We waive the timeline and continue to wait for steps to be completed for years. It’s not different with the case for my other two, we’re not very far into their case, technically, but they’ve both been with me all their birthdays, Christmases, Halloween, New Years, etc. When I spoke with their GAL recently he reminded me of where their case is in regards to court timeline and it’s just the beginning. I have court for them tomorrow but already know what to expect more or less. It’s so tough to know that I can only do so much and that nothing is truly being changed.

This was a short (for me) and quick post mainly to explain why I’ve been on edge the past few months. Things are messy and probably going to get messier. I’m stressed and see the benefits of my village but know that my day-to-day is on my own. I’m tired not because of all the physical things but because mentally foster care is a lot and all 3 kids, just as all kids, have different needs. We have so much taking place in the next 10 days. I have so much more I want to share but am not in the right head space to share it the way I know I should. I’m sadly looking forward to having a tonsillectomy because it means I can sleep for a few days (hopefully that pain isn’t as bad as everyone's telling me but I’m sure it is so fingers crossed I get some rest).

I know I’m ‘in it’ right now, heck I feel I’ve been ‘in it’ for the past year and a half but summer is on the horizon. I know I’ll be able to get some sleep, hopefully, find ways to organize my home so I don’t feel so all over the place, stick to some type of daily physical movement, and strive to make some really good summer memories for the kids. I’m going to be saying no more and staying home a bit this summer. We really need to be set up for structure in August and I know my tendencies to be social and my nonability to say no get in the way of that. I’m more than happy to have company here because heavens know I love to vent these days, but if you plan to stop by just know I might talk while trying to get a few things done. That’s when I’m the best at accomplishing tasks!

Here’s to the last week of school, a ton of appointments, a tonsillectomy, and ESY! I hope to have another update before the end of June, but heck with the way life goes I just don’t know!