Trust the Wait

Waiting

It's something I knew was going to be part of this process. Waiting for a call especially

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but WOW it's a weirder feeling than expected. I'm not anxious or nervous but I'm also not 'take a mid-day stroll in the fall' calm. I constantly have the idea of getting a call on my mind.

After you're 'officially licensed' it takes time for your paperwork to get processed. Living in IL adds to the question mark of how quickly it takes. My licensing worker was extremely efficient and task-oriented that everything I completed with her went as she said it would. The only difference is she said when she left my house she could click and I would be ready for calls. Now I'm waiting for my paperwork to be processed but can still receive a call prior to knowing it's been processed...we all know how that cycle goes. So I'm almost half expecting a call. I wouldn't be surprised if I got one today, but also maybe this is going to take a few months. I just don't know, and that's what I'm learning to accept. I'm trusting God's plan for me and knowing whatever child comes into my home at whatever time, needs love and safety.

The one area I was feeling very unsure about was going to weddings and still accepting a placement. I opened up to my licensing worker about my uncertainties of this and she shared that I shouldn't worry about that. Just decide what I would do if it was my own child. If I would have them babysat by a family member - do that, that's what I'm agreeing to. I'm struggling because it's such a short amount of time with the child, but I was reassured that part of becoming a foster parent is accepting what call I believe I can, while still living my life. She shared that if I'm on the phone and the placement doesn't feel right for the time, say no; but not because I'll be out of town two weekends in a row. That conversation gave me so much guidance that I no longer feel hesitant accepting a placement that feels right.

Another positive I've found within myself while waiting is that I'm looking more inward to see what I can control at this time. What can I do around the house, knowing that when a child comes in my commitment is to make that child feel safe and loved. That will mean less meal prep, the house might not be cleaned regularly, and laundry might pile up. I've been making meals and freezing them so I have some 'go-to's. I'm trying my best to stay on top of things without overly anticipating this life change.

One of the aides in my classroom said "God has his plan for you, he knows when it's the right time to call you". She is 100% correct! Now it's time to focus on the present. I can work on being in the moment and giving my full effort and attention to what I'm doing. Currently, that looks like making sure I feel confident in the grad work assignments I'm submitting, taking Jovie for extra walks/enjoying outside time myself, healthy meal prep and eating, and lots of prep and planning for school. I'm working to shift my mindset from 'this year has been so tough I'm just done' to 'how can I make the rest of this year better'. It's not an easy task, I constantly find myself getting frustrated and just being 'done' with the day. I try to remind myself so many people are in this same situation - but that doesn't really make it any easier. I will just keep trying and tackling what tasks I can, and work to stay as positive and motivated as I am able to!