Week 1 with Mister Man

Mister man has officially been placed with me for a full week…and then I had to leave for the weekend ☹. It is baffling to me that after only a week I can be this torn up and conflicted leaving him. I cried in the airport and just scrolled through the endless number of pictures I’ve taken of him. I know that all parents go through this, it is just interesting to finally be ‘the parent’ that’s going through this step – and in a much quicker timeline than other parents!

Happy Wedding Weekend Kerry!

Don’t Change Your Life

When I became licensed, they made it very clear that I should not change my life while anticipating a placement. If I sat home and waited for a call, I’d miss out on so many other things.

Now I’m not saying this is that situation, these weddings have all been planned for a year – however, it has been a major internal conflict for me. I know mister man is safe, loved, and cared for while I’m gone but it doesn’t make me less conflicted.

Thanks for the snuggle Auntie Sarah!

I’m worried he’s going to have trouble with detachment, because of his history and that now I’m adding to that. I’m obnoxiously worried about other people’s judgements. My therapist and I just started to touch on this last night. I am confident in who I am leaving mister man with and that I want/need/should be there to celebrate these people in my life, but I constantly worry about other people making comments about my new parenting style – but I’ll touch on that in a minute.

Obviously, my day to day plans are going to change and there will be no impromptu trips now that he’s with me, but I get what they’re saying. If your family is planning a vacation – just because he’s here now don’t not plan it! Find a way to bring him and make it work – pending no COVID! Live with him as part of your life!

Self Struggles

So here are the struggles I’m currently facing as I’ve become a single foster parent, even within the first week.

1. Judgements: I am constantly worried about people’s judgments of me.

a. People have been NOTHING but supportive throughout this process for me so I don’t know why this is such a big area of anxiousness for me, but it is. I am hoping that through therapy I can learn to let go of this or try to minimize it.

b. I feel the world is such a judgmental place, I know I’m guilty of being judgmental often. We try not to be, but it is part of human nature – at least my therapist said it is!

2. Mom: Should he call me mom?

a. They don’t fully get into this in foster care.

b. He goes for visitations, so I am working to positively reference his mom when he’s visiting.

c. Yes, he can have two moms, one bio and one foster but I’m truly struggling to call myself mom.

d. I think I need to wait until it feels right to me.

3. The system: WOW – there is A LOT that happens once you become a foster parent.

a. Mister man’s case worker’s last day was yesterday and I still don’t know who his new caseworker is.

b. I need consent for Dr. appointments. I already have 3, potentially 4 doctors for him, and need clarity on what I can have them treat, what I need approval, and what I can/can not sign off on. (It’s also hard being confidential with friends when I need to vent).

c. I met his GAL, and she was clear and concise in our conversation which helped. She was also pleasant, so I am thankful for her being the one to advocate for mister man.

d. My liaison said she’s going to help me figure it all out, which is great! But I wish I knew all this information like the day he came into my care.

Love

These are the things I’ve felt the need to reflect upon after my first week. I’m away at a wedding, which is celebrating LOVE. I have nothing but LOVE for mister man. I became a foster parent to help the LOVE in a family be reunified. I’m so happy I decided to do this, but I strive to be authentically me and I have to be honest that within the first week I am OVERWHELMED with the amount of LOVE people have for mister man…but I’m still navigating new territory!